I Won't Back Down

How Being Stubborn Gave Me My Life Back

To borrow words from Tom Petty’s famous song that he wrote after an arsonist set his house on fire:

“I Won’t Back Down”

Well I won’t back down
No I won’t back down
You can stand me up at the gates of Hell
But I won’t back down

No I’ll stand my ground
Won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from dragging me down
Gonna stand my ground
And I won’t back down

Hey baby, there ain’t no easy way out
Hey I, I’ll stand my ground
And I won’t back down

Well I know what’s right
I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin’ me around
but I’ll stand my ground
And I won’t back down

Hey baby, there ain’t no easy way out
Hey I, I’ll stand my ground
And I won’t back down

Hey baby, there ain’t no easy way out
Hey I, I’ll stand my ground
And I won’t back down
No I won’t back down

Written by Tom Petty and Jeff Lynne

I was able to shoot the photo of those giraffes with my cheap little Nikon Coolpix camera using only my right hand because I never backed down after being “stood up at the gates of Hell”.

My house was never burned down, but my brain did start bleeding during the sixth month of my second pregnancy when my son was not quite 2 years old.

I faced the gates of Hell as a 35 year old, disabled mother of a newborn and a 2 year old. I sat in a wheelchair and watched hired help care for my babies in my home. I stubbornly refused to stay there. I was depressed, but I also knew that my sons needed me to be their mother. I’m sure my husband could have found a suitable substitute, but no one is as good as your real mother.

It was an excruciatingly long, slow painful climb out of the wheelchair and back into a real life. People often ask “How did you ever do that?” The answer is one step at a time. Many of us know about struggles that seem insurmountable. But, we do what we have to do.

I never saw sitting in that chair and crying as a long term option. Naturally, I did some of that. Granted, I had a lot of luck on my side. The point is, I got up and got going.

All of this went down in 1999. In 2000, I started taking horseback riding lessons. I was den mother for my son’s cub scout pack when he was in first grade. I had limitations, but I was their mother.

By 2012, I was remembering my dreams of traveling. I had always wanted to go on safari in Africa. I was still limping and using a cane to walk. My husband said I was crazy, and I couldn’t go on a trip like that. “Well I know what’s right, I got just one life”.

Being stubborn made me defy all the naysayers. I knew that people with more serious disabilities found ways to do what they want. A Google search for “safaris for the disabled” turned up a company that specializes in making Africa accessible. Their website had photos of travelers in wheelchairs.

I spent several months planning a 10 day safari for my husband, our 2 sons, and myself. Many of our friends thought we were nuts to travel to crime-ridden, terrorist-infested Kenya in 2012 with our young sons. Life is dangerous. I don’t plan to spend it hiding in my house. That was not why I was given a second lease on life.

I had dreamed of a safari since I was in my teens. When I finally went, the reality was a little different than the dream as I never pictured it with a disability.

The trip to Kenya was indeed challenging, but remains as the most epic trip I have ever taken.

To borrow from Tom Petty again, Damn the Torpedoes!