Your Life Is Hanging By A Thread

And it’s a very thin thread

We live every waking minute in denial that that statement is true. Fact is, we are all just dangling on a thin line that keeps us in this world. We hop in our cars without a thought to how it puts us in one of the most dangerous situations. I don’t mean to be morbid, but one drunk driver’s poor judgment call or even a sober driver running a red light could spell the end of us before we even know what happened. Human bodies naturally fail at random and often without warning.

I was a young, active, healthy, pregnant 35 year old mother of a two year old when a genetic abnormality in my brain caused a severe cerebral hemorrhage. I survived against the odds, as did my unborn baby. Timely, excellent medical care and extreme good luck are the reasons I’m here. Statistically, I should be dead. I have a visible disability as a result of this random accident. When people ask me what happened and I tell them, they often say “All of a sudden?”, as if a stroke could happen gradually or when it’s convenient. I know that is just their shocked reaction and an attempt to return the conversation to something resembling normal.

My aunt recently passed away at age 91 which got me to thinking about planning for my own death. I do not wish to be buried because I think that is an awful waste of space. I believe it says in my advance directive that I wish to be cremated. I’ve given further thought to this morbid, necessary plan. I called my husband during the morning of my horseback riding lesson and asked if he could do me a favor should I pre-decease him. I asked if he could scatter my ashes along with those of a beloved dog I lost in 1999 in a pond where I used to hike with the dog. It’s a fairly rigorous hike which I could not do again with my disability. He agreed. It may have seemed premature since I’m only 55 and expect to live a very long time. I told him I wanted him to know my wishes in case I got killed at my riding lesson that afternoon. We had gone through a serious life and death crisis together when my brain started bleeding in 1999. I reminded him that I was bringing this up now because you just never know. All of us are just dangling from a thread here in this life.

My brush with death and the resulting disability have created some limitations on what I can do. I choose to keep my focus on what I can do. I became ever more determined to enjoy my life and squeeze every drop of enjoyment out of it that I can. I humbly suggest you do the same.